haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You smell like stripper and shame
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
