Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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