what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
