i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
