I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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