I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
