Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
