We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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