i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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