walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
