Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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