So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need moral support for this bender
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
