just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
