yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
