Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
