I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
