wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
