I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
