PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
