im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
