I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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