u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
