So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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