I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
