I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
