Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
