i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
