i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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