I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
