So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Its about making memories worth repressing
ugly people sure do ruin things
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
