One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
