how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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