So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
