Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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