Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
