Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
