If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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