allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he thought i was a dude.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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