is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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