i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
