the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
