Your face is a jimmy john
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
