Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
