Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
