i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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