It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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