Welp...herpes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
