the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
