I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
