Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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