I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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